#On naming - an ongoing journal

##03/02/2021 - Listening to: I Was Sad Last Night I'm OK Now by tobi lou
=> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7s63eaYngVw listen here

My first name was selected from two options by a white nurse while my mom was in labor six weeks premature. The options were a Dutch name and a Sanskrit name. I'm sure you know which one she chose. It was good name and I honor it greatly. It was a very fitting name for me until necessity demanded otherwise. 

My second name was a nickname given to me by a teacher that I insisted on going by for the rest of the year. It didn't stick for so many reasons, but I held onto it. I didn't know why then but now I do.

My third name was a short version of my nickname. I just needed something different so I could bide my time in choosing. Eventually, I found the first name that I felt like stuck. 

My name today was chosen on a whim. I saw it and said that was the one. I shunned Sanskrit names, cringed at Indonesian names, thinking them too simple and kampung for someone as complex as me. I chose something white and specific, colonized and academic. 

My name soon will be something else. I'm looking at Sanskrit names again, falling in love with Javanese names. The names I want are simple but profound: Aji, Saka, Kusumo (which is way too old), Bayu... I will keep my colonized name tucked in the middle; It is still mine and still beloved. That name belongs to me and I choose to extricate it from the colonization and nurture it into my identity.